Today, class, we’re going to learn about a Mossy Oak teacher who was arrested for possessing meth with the intention of distributing it.

Sarah Feagan McKinnon, who we will refer to as Mrs. McKinnon from here on out, was booked on September 10. However, your mommies and daddies were shocked when they only heard about this from students like you three weeks later, and not from our highly respected school officials.

One parent in particular said that the e-mail she received only stated that Mrs. McKinnon would be “out of the classroom” and replaced with a substitute. Your parents are outraged because finding out about her stupidity would provide them a prime opportunity to talk to you about drugs. Of course, they could talk to you about drugs at any given time, but I guess it’s better when it’s at the expense of someone who gets caught.

Sorry kids, Mrs. McKinnon won’t be here for a long time. However, I can teach you about drugs since your parents missed the opportunity!

You see kids, your teacher was caught on September 10 with a small tin of meth in her crotch, as well as some Xanax. Her husband also had drugs on him. So what’s the lesson to be learned here?

Don’t do drugs if you’re a teacher. It’s embarrassing and sad. I just told you everything your parents would have told you in ten seconds.

Class dismissed!